Love is But a Dirty Trick
by kc creation
Summary: When Tamaki's self-proclaimed "Biggest Fan" tries to take over the Host Club, trouble arises. While The King desperately attempts to keep the peace and Kyouya seems almost nonexistent, it's up to Haruhi, Renge, and the other Hosts to save the day. txk,hxh
1. Chapter 1

**Love is But a Dirty Trick**

_chapter one_

Tamaki grinned, extending his hand to the young woman before him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, beautiful princess."

The "princess" giggled shyly, placing her small hand in his, face flushing prettily as he brushed his lips against the pale skin. Haruhi scoffed at the Host's antics, turning toward her guests with a small smile. She couldn't, however, fight the uneasy feeling that settled in the pit of her stomach. It may have been due to the presence of Tamaki-sempai's grandmother (Who had brought the giggly, blushing girl into the Host Club in the first place), but no, that wasn't right. The elderly woman saddened her, sure, with her complete disregard for her only grandson's feelings, but this was different.

She stole another glance at Tamaki and his guest, the former whispering some nonsense into the poor girl's ear as she batted him away flirtatiously. Not jealousy, nor was it anger or hurt, but.. More of a feeling that something wasn't right. Obviously, she knew the Host King wasn't going to try to leave again, but that didn't stop her from wondering what exactly his grandmother had up her sleeve. She didn't just introduce Tamaki to random girls for no reason, after all.

There was a movement somewhere to her left. When she turned to see what it was, she was met with the sight of the Shadow King, laptop open but forgotten on the table in front of him. The light glinted off his glasses, making it impossible to see his eyes, but it was no guess as to where his gaze fell. He seemed unusually tense, and his lips were drawn in a thin line, fingers resting just above the keys he had once been typing. She would have laughed at the sight, but something about the way he stared..

"Haruhi, are you alright?"

Her cheeks flushed, and she dragged her eyes away from the older teen and back to the three young women sitting in front of her.

"Sorry ladies, I guess I sort of zoned out there.."

They resumed their conversation peacefully, her guests offering her small homemade cakes and other sweets, and her thanking them with a kind smile that sent them sputtering. She risked another look at Kyouya, but the older teen had resumed his typing, albeit a bit harder than he normally did. She still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, even after their customers left and the club closed for the day.

As she waited at the bus stop on the way home, her mind still couldn't wrap around it, couldn't understand what had seemed so _off_. Tamaki-sempai flirted with girls every day, and though it wasn't _as_ common, Kyouya-sempai would also become extremely appalled by the King's stupidity from time to time. Sempai must have just done something ridiculously idiotic while she wasn't looking, and the Shadow King had caught it. _Of course_, and he was probably so tense because the girl that Tamaki's grandmother had introduced him to had been a very wealthy business owner's daughter.

She sighed softly, boarding the bus and scanning her pass. The unease was still there. She hadn't solved anything, and she could feel a headache forming at her temples.

Dammit.

The very next day, that girl was back.

Haruhi scoffed. She had really hoped the girl, and all the stupid feelings and confusion she brought with her, wouldn't have returned again. Unlike yesterday, though, she sat next to Tamaki the entire time, and even after the last of the guests were gone, she remained sitting, bubbly as ever. The twins had been busy all day conjuring up jeering nicknames for the red-faced girl, and though Haruhi chided them for being rude, she had to admit that it made her feel a lot better. It was obvious that the teens had noticed how off things had been, just like she had. Though she guessed that they understood the situation better, even if they refused enlighten her.

"Hey, what's Raggedy Ann still doing here?"

Hikaru muttered, he and Kaoru standing closely behind Haruhi, sending their guest identical, sardonic stares.

"I'm not sure."

Kaoru replied slyly, causing their female friend to roll her eyes.

"But I wonder if that red-faced thing is contagious? We might want to keep Haruhi away from her until we know for sure."

They both nodded in agreement, placing a hand on each of Haruhi's shoulders and pulling her close. She felt her cheeks warming slightly, and she tried to pry herself out of their grip to no avail. Kaoru gasped, whirling her around to face the two of them.

"Oh no, Hikaru, it's already happening! Our beautiful Haruhi's turning into Blushing-Monster!"

She growled loudly, still trying to escape them, all the time hissing for them to shut up before someone heard.

"You're right Kaoru! We have to get her away before she starts giggling uncontrollably!"

She finally broke free, flushed with annoyance and so flustered that she almost couldn't find the strength to call them idiots. Of course, she would have told them off good if it hadn't been for Hunny-sempai intervening.

"Why are you guys always so mean to Haru-chan?"

The Boy-Lolita asked, clutching lightly to Mori-sempai's wrist.

"Well that's easy-"

Kaoru began, cutting off so Hikaru could finish.

"Haruhi's cute when she's embarrassed."

She felt her cheeks becoming unbearably hot, and almost didn't catch the twin's joint remark of,

_"Unlike some people."_

She huffed, willing her embarrassment to subside before crossing her arms and staring at the brothers sternly.

"Guys, if she hears you saying that she's going to get really mad (just like anyone in their right mind would), and since Tamaki-sempai's grandmother went through all the trouble of bringing her here, she must be from a really important family, right?"

Everyone paused at this. Not because Haruhi's words had been particularly shocking, but because of a shrill squeal that emitted from the couch-area, and all six pairs of eyes snapped toward Tamaki and the red-faced girl (who, truth be told, _didn't_ look right rosy cheeks). The blonde host seemed quite terrified as he was held in a rather painful looking embrace, but the girl was completely unaware.

"Oh Tamaki!"

She exclaimed, and the worry that had been building in the pit of Haruhi's stomach since the day before grew tenfold at the sound. All of the sudden she was wondering where Kyouya was, and if he could see everything that was going on. Hikaru and Kaoru were sending each other strange glances. Hunny-sempai, having crawled onto Mori-sempai's shoulders during the exchange, held a troubled look in his eyes that Haruhi wasn't sure she had seen before.

"Hey, everyone come here for a moment! I'd like to introduce you to someone!"

The sound of Tamaki calling to them almost made her jump out of her skin, and she was momentarily fearful that he had heard everything the group had been saying about him and the girl. Before she could even register the Host King's words, however, Hikaru had a hand around her arm, and was dragging her (gently, of course) after the rest of the club.

"Stop thinking so much."

He chided, grinning sarcastically, before releasing her and turning toward the ruckus. Ignoring his comment (for the time being), her eyes settled on the object of her frustrations. For the first time, she actually got a good look at the strange, easily embarrassed girl. She wasn't ugly by any means, but not breathtakingly beautiful either. Besides her cheeks, her skin was pale, and her small lips seemed to be set in a permanent grin. Her eyes were a light brown, almost exactly matching the short, wavy hair that was tied in twin braids and rested at her shoulders. She was probably two or three centimeters shorter than Haruhi herself, and a (seemingly expensive) flower-printed, brightly colored dress clung tightly to her small form. Sure, she was pretty, but sort of.. plain. Much too plain for Tamaki's tastes, surely.

She paused, wondering when she started caring about people's appearances. Of course, it was probably the damn Host Club's fault.

"There you are Kyouya! I didn't want you to miss anything!"

Tamaki's voice, once again, startled her from her musings, and her eyes landed on the black-haired teen, who had _indeed_, just joined the group. He seemed just as tense as the day before, and Haruhi wondered if he and Tamaki had a fight, or something of the sort. She was however, cut off by a cold glance from the Shadow King himself, and Tamaki's oblivious introduction of the brunette girl, who now clung to his arm affectionately.

"Everyone,"

He drew out regally.

"This is Ima Watanabe. Ima, these are my friends!"

He grinned widely, and Haruhi could have swore she heard the twins muttering,

_"Watanabe! Of course!"_

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Kyouya adjusting his glasses, not quite facing the blonde, but not quite turning away.

"It's very nice to meet all of you."

Ima spoke, and there was something in her voice that said that she actually wasn't all that happy to be meeting them.

"I'll probably be seeing a lot of you now, since Tamaki's asked me to be his _girlfriend_."

Haruhi froze. Maybe it was the snide tone of voice she had used, or maybe it was the word 'girlfriend', but she couldn't believe it. In her peripheral line of vision, Kyouya had begun to leave, slipping out the door, almost completely unnoticed.

_"Are you serious?!"_

Kaoru muttered, horrified.

She felt a hand grip her shoulder, and she glanced up at Hikaru. His face was hard as he stared at the doors Kyouya had just closed behind him. She then looked to Tamaki, the King appearing less majestic and more like kicked dog. This girl -Tamaki's new _girlfriend_, she couldn't possibly wreak too much havoc at the Host Club.

..Right?

_to be continued._

_--_

_First and foremost, Ouran doesn't belong to me._

_Also, reviews would be greatly appreciated! (The button's right down there! Go ahead, just click it!)_

_As of right now, the pairings for this story are _Kyouya x Tamaki _(main), _Haruhi x Hikaru _(main-supporting), and maaaybe some slight _Hunny x Mori_, but it depends on how everything turns out. Any suggestions as to who Kaoru should be paired with?_

_The title comes from the book 'A Writer's Notebook', by W. Somerset Maugham. It goes, "Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species."_

_And finally, this entire idea was inspired by Taylor Swift's song "You Belong With Me" (which I also don't own, obviously.)_

_Thanks for reading! Chapter Two should be up soon!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Love is But a Dirty Trick**

_chapter two_

"Hey Haruhi!"

She turned at the sound of her name, coming face to face with the Hitachiin twins. Their smiles, though genuine, seemed catlike (as was normal for the two), and she momentarily found herself feeling just a bit nervous under their shared gaze.

"Do you need a ride home?"

Hikaru, who had called her name in the first place, drew out slowly, a small tinge of color coming to his cheeks.

"We're not going to force you, but-"

"-but it's an awful long distance to ride on a commoner's bus."

Kaoru finished for his brother, slinging an arm around him affectionately.

Haruhi sighed softly. Even if she refused, she knew she'd end up in their limo in the end, so why fight the inevitable? She needed to talk to the twins anyway, and the ride home would surely provide more time to ask questions than the busy classes that would come the following day. She smiled sweetly, shrugging her shoulders so that her schoolbag didn't slide off her arm.

"Sure, I'll ride with you."

When they were all situated -the twins sitting side-by-side across from her- she tried to decide which questions were the most important to ask. She then remembered the way the teens had said Ima's last name, almost as if it had answered some pressing question that they hadn't been able to figure out.

"So why is this Ima girl so important?"

She finally asked, only realizing when the boys gave her a strange look that she had interrupted some small conversation they'd been having amongst themselves. Pushing aside the nagging feeling that she probably looked like an idiot, she tried to keep a serious face.

"Well.."

Hikaru began, amusement obvious in his golden eyes.

"The Watanabe family is well known for foreign trade."

Kaoru picked up where he left off.

"Maybe not as well known as most of the kids at Ouran, but they're quite wealthy."

Hikaru continued.

"They also make a lot in stock-"

"-and real estate-"

At this, they looked at each other in confusion, shrugging their shoulders and speaking in unison.

"But there's no reason why the Tono's grandma would want him to date her, and she's _definitely_ not his type."

They both laughed at some secret joke, and Haruhi wasn't quite sure she wanted to know what it was. She mulled over the information they'd just given her, realizing with disdain that it hadn't answered any of her questions. In actuality, it had created many more. She tapped her chin idly.

"So why do you think Sempai asked her out?"

She pressed.

They were silent for a moment, almost as if calculating their answer. Hikaru eventually spoke.

"It's most likely to make his grandmother happy. She _did_ introduce them after all."

"-She's not much of matchmaker though."

Kaoru added, and they both snickered.

"But why would Tamaki's-sempai's grandmother even introduce them? The Suoh family obviously has nothing to gain from it."

They were quiet again, but this time it was Kaoru who spoke first.

"No idea.. Maybe she knows something about him that we don't?"

There was an implication in the way that he said it, and Haruhi had a feeling that _they_ knew something _she_ didn't.. Still, something about Tamaki-sempai that only his grandmother knew? Was that even possible? Of course, there was everything with his mother, but she had been the only one who didn't know, and surely there was no problem that _getting a girlfriend_ would solve. There must have been something about Ima that they weren't considering.. Maybe her father had some huge business connection that the twins had overlooked?

The limo pulled to a stop, and Haruhi realized that they'd already reached her house. She stepped out of the vehicle and turned to shut the door, but hesitated, remembering one last thing that hadn't been mentioned.

"If the Watanabe family isn't that important, why did you guys say her name like that when Sempai introduced her?"

They laughed in harmony.

"The Watanabe's may not be infamous in the business world, but they're _notorious_ in the Blue Blood world for being so _plain_ looking."

No wonder she was starting to judge people's appearances! Hikaru and Kaoru were experts at being _shallow!_

"They say that even if you dress a Watanabe in the finest of clothes, they'd still blend into the wallpaper!"

Haruhi slammed the door, cutting off their cackles.

Renge Hoshakuji wasn't one for superstitions. She wasn't afraid of black cats, and if a mirror was broken, it was just a matter of how many minutes it would take to get it replaced (not that Renge had broken many mirrors in her time). If she saw a spider, regardless of the time of day, she would holler until one of the maids took care of it, and she had truthfully never seen a ladder in person before. She never cared much for petty things like that. Actually, she didn't have much time for anything that wasn't moe.

Regardless of all of this, her dreams the night before almost seemed to be warning her of some travesty that was yet to come, and for the first time in her life, Renge Hoshakuji felt that maybe she should watch her step that day.

She threw off her blankets with so much fervor the brand new copy of _'Moe Moe Ouran Diaries 26'_ -that she had fallen asleep rereading the night before- almost went flying from the bed as well. She paused to place it gently on the night stand, then flitted gracefully toward her wardrobe in search of a clean school uniform. _That dream.._ She shuddered at the thought. _She had been running through halls of Ouran, trying desperately to find her beloved Host Club members. Suddenly, a terrible she-demon had sprung from nowhere, exclaiming that she was taking over the club!_

She'd woken in a cold sweat, fearing momentarily that something horrible had happened to the Host Club, but reassured herself. No girl would dare challenge her position as Club Manager, and well, if they did.. _She'd scratch their eyes out._

Her day was considerably uneventful.

There wasn't too much homework, and only a handful of tests. No interesting rumors had been started, and the majority of the girls were fawning over the new Ouran Doujinshi. (which had, unsurprisingly, sold out before second period)

It wasn't until school was out, and the Host Club was in full swing that Renge even remembered the anxiety her dream had caused. She had, of course, stopped in to make sure than everything was running smoothly, and while things seemed to be normal, something just wasn't right.

Her gaze swept the room, inspecting each of the hosts at their respective tables. Hunny and Mori ate cake with their guests, the former going on about the different flavors as the latter nodded in agreement. The Hitachiin brothers were, well.. being the Hitachiin brothers. Kaoru cupped his cheeks dramatically, as Hikaru whispered something in his ear. Or was it Kaoru whispering, and Hikaru cupping his cheeks? She couldn't tell. Kyouya was typing away at his computer, seemingly a bit more tense than usual, but nothing too shocking. Haruhi was waving off his current group of girls, rising from his seat to retrieve more teacups for his incoming guests.

Her caramel eyes were then turned to Tamaki, who held a teacup delicately between long fingers, back straight and arm resting on the couch behind a seemingly shy, blushing girl. Nothing out of the ordin- Wait, hadn't that girl been in the last group? And the group before? She giggled at whatever nonsense the Host King had just spoken, sending the other girls a strangely possessive smirk.

"Haruhi!"

The otaku squeaked, grasping the teen by the shoulder as he passed, a clean tray of teacups in hand.

Before he could even speak, the tawny haired girl continued.

"Who is that girl over there? The one with the terrible red face?"

Haruhi wanted to groan. How did she find herself surrounded with frivolous people? The poor girl's blush didn't look _that_ bad. Honestly, if it didn't seem almost permanent, she wasn't sure she would have even noticed it.

"Oh, that's Ima Watanabe. She's Sempai's girlfriend."

It was no use lying, with Renge's strange ability to figure out pretty much everything. It was a surprise she hadn't discovered Haruhi's own _secret _yet.

"His.. what?"

The other girl hissed.

_It was like her nightmare had come to life!_

"Tamaki-sempai's girlfriend. He asked her out yesterday."

Renge's eyes bulged.

"What?! This can't be happening! This ruins _everything! HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO US?! TO THE CLUB?!"_

People were starting to stare, and Haruhi could swear Kyouya had paused in his typing as the otaku ranted. The androgynous girl _did_ groan now, placing the tray on the table gently and waving over her next group of girls.

"You might want to quiet down. I don't think any of the girls know."

Shockingly, Renge did quiet down. In fact, she was silent for the remaining club time. While Haruhi could see her eyeing Tamaki and his girlfriend scornfully from across the room (it was unsettling to be in the same vicinity as the fangirl for this long, but she tried to ignore the feeling), she didn't attempt to cause trouble once.

_'What is she planning?'_

Haruhi found herself thinking.

When it came to Renge, she had no idea.

Not until the end of the club did things start picking up. She wondered briefly if she should start leaving early. If everyone decided that they wanted to keep acting out at the close of each meeting, it seemed like a good idea. She would just have to speak to Kyouya about it.. Where was he anyway? She glanced around the room in search of the shadow king, but it seemed he had slipped out without anyone noticing. What in the world was going on with him?

She turned her attention back to the scene before her: Mori had a thrashing Renge by the shoulders, while Tamaki held a sneering Ima. Of course, Haruhi knew she should have kept a closer eye on the overzealous otaku.

Renge had approached the sofa in three long, angry strides. Tamaki was at the door seeing off his guests, waving dramatically at the swooning girls. Ima sat silently, glowering over her teacup at the receding females.

"So I hear you're Tamaki's new girlfriend."

At this, the brunette's head snapped back, toward Renge and the dirty look she was sending in her direction. The venom in her words wasn't completely lost on the seated girl.

"Yes, I am. May I ask who _you _are?"

Renge's mouth twitched into a crooked smirk.

"I'm Renge Hoshakuji, the Host Club's _manager_."

Her eyes glowed defiantly.

"Really?"

Ima drew out slowly, resting her teacup on the table and smiling so crudely that she seemed completely unlike her previous blushing, giggling self.

"Well, since I _am_ Tamaki's girlfriend, and he _is_ the Host Club's President, I suppose it's my place to relieve you of your managing duties."

Her smile was short lived, and in a flurry of movement, Renge found herself screaming curses through a placid Mori's steel grip, while Ima crooned from Tamaki's, which was not-so-steel. Not that it needed to be, since Ima was making to effort to escape it.

"YOU BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU!"

The otaku screeched, attempting to claw herself from Mori.

"Renge, calm down. No one's taking your place."

Haruhi spoke finally. She rested her hands on her hips, sending the slowly-calming girl her best disapproving look.

Any of the mirth that Ima had previously displayed was wiped away by Haruhi's words. Somewhere behind her, the short haired brunette could hear the twin's muffled laughter.

"Tamaki, bring me home."

Ima's voice was curt and angry, completely lacking the smugness it had held only moments before.

"As you wish, princess."

The King sent them an apologetic half-smile. He then allowed himself to be pulled from the room without another word. The door closed with a soft click, and in the silence they could hear the footsteps as they walked through the hall.

Mori's grip relaxed, and Renge slowly pulled away, head low and posture sagging.

"How could he.. date such a.. terrible person..?"

Her sullen voice sounded strange in Haruhi's ears.

"Who knows."

Hikaru's tone held no hint of a joke.

"Yeah,"

Kaoru continued, resting his elbow on his elder brother's shoulder.

"Tono's weird sometimes."

From outside, Haruhi barely registered the sound of a limo driving away.

_tbc._

_--_

_First of all, nothing belongs to me._

_I was going to mention that Renge is kind of ooc, but now I don't really think she is. I know she doesn't cuss and all, but she's never been faced with another girl trying to steal the Host Club away. I can imagine there would probably be a bit of a cat fight._

_I _am _sorry though, for the confusing switching back and forth of Haruhi's gender. Since Renge thinks she's a boy, and their point of view switched back and forth, it just sort of ended up that way._

_Finally, I'd like to address Ima's character. Originally, I was going to make Eclair return instead of creating an oc, but since she knows that Haruhi's a girl, and I'd like to believe that she learned her lesson, that was completely out of the question. Ima's sort of.. an Anti-Marysue. Sure, she's pretty, but sort of plain. She comes into the Host Club with the intention of winning Tamaki's heart, but she's petty and spoiled, and everyone just ends up hating her. Poor girl._

_Well, as always, reviews would be greatly appreciated!_


End file.
